It’s been a while since I’ve last posted anything on here – Jacqueline’s been hogging it (just kidding babes)… it’s been a fast transition into spring in so many ways. It was like we just woke up one day and all the snow was gone and the flowers started blooming. Jacqueline has four tulips that are about to bloom – the first ever in her care to do so. It’s exciting to see how quick and precise nature responds to God’s direction – what a contrast it often is with us. Since I last posted, we’ve had all kinds of company come and visit us here in Indy – first, my dad and his wife, Jan; followed by Jacqueline’s Mom, Ester; and then Mom and Big Wes. With each one, and as a whole, we had a great time together. Got to introduce everyone to the simple life we strive to live here in Indy, give them a glimpse of the prosperity in Carmel (huge houses beyond description are here in droves), the beauty of this area, and most importantly a physical manifestation of the love we share for them. I pray I never get beyond the beauty and magnitude of someone loving me… I pray I am not one who takes such a magnificent thing for granted. I will echo here... how sweet it (always) is to be loved by you.
I find myself a bit at a loss for words to describe all that is going on inside the abode of my heart… just feel a bit pressed down and it’s not one thing, but a whole lot of little – as if all of God’s creation awoke with vigor to spring and I’ve got to kick myself in the rear here lately to muster the passion and energy that is due… and I’m not weary from pain nor weary from hardship, if that, I might could understand. It’s almost as if I’m weary from only grasping a small portion of what’s given by God – only tasting a bit of His goodness when more than I can fathom is available; only enjoying to an extent the beauty of a blooming flower or a cool evening; only gleaning a bit of the grandeur that is right outside my window each day; only embracing a portion of the warmth that awaits me each day in the arms of my wife; only giving a piece of myself to Christ in the days that I live… it’s hard to articulate, but I just feel a bit caught in the middle of winter and spring in my heart… I’m not in hibernation, but I’m not in bloom. Maybe that made sense and maybe it didn’t.
I’ve been a bit weary lately of having to debate/decipher what so many passages in the Bible really mean in our everyday life – such as when Jesus said to give up everything to be worthy of Him... Paul stating that we have the mind of Christ… Peter saying we are partakers of the divine nature… And on and on the list goes of passages and themes in Scripture that I can't seem to get my mind around. I’ve been wearied from feeling like there’s something that has to be grasped or apprehended that I'll never be able to grasp… as if I spend so much time trying to understand that I have spent little time living out what I already know and as a result, I’m living small in a big world, caught between a lapse and a bloom. I pray this soon changes... trying to punch your way out of a paper sack that you’ve fashioned is a tiring effort.
One of the best things that is going on in my life right now is Jacqueline – a beam of sunshine… a friend who is closer than a brother… a person who seems to wake up daily with joy on her lips flowing forth from her soul. I might miss it in so many ways each day what it means to be a follower of Christ (and I hope that number of ways diminishes with each passing day), but I pray God would give me the grace and strength to love Jacqueline like I should - I pray I can at least do that right… she’s a treasure and a glimpse into all that was complemented when God made a partner for Adam. I love to get lost in a day with her, laughing at her silliness, seeing her eyes twinkle as she makes some creation or looks at her flowers, or see her perseverance as she casts (and casts and casts) in hopes of snagging a fish. Jacqueline’s steadfastness gives a glimpse of what God is like and reminds me of a quote from G.K. Chesterton that I like quite well:
“A child kicks its legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough... It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again," to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again," to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike: it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”
- G.K. Chesterton
Happy Spring everyone – enjoy the beautiful days. We have a big weekend going on this weekend with a GFA event to volunteer at in Fort Wayne on Saturday and our big Bricks to Bricks 10-mile race in downtown Indy on Sunday morning. We ran 10-miles last Sunday – it didn’t feel wonderful and was followed by crashing on the living room floor in the fetal position, but we finished it strong nonetheless. We hope to do the same this time around. Running… I wonder if Paul did much running – he made a good reference about running a much more important race. If the race doesn't turn out the best on Sunday, that's alright, I would rather finish the much more important one strong anyway.